The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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