sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
