I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
