it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
