she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
