She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
