I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He did a backflip because drugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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