I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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