I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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