After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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