He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
