I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
did i just pee glitter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
