everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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