I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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