Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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