you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
