Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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