My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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