Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
