Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize