I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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