1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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