the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
