I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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