They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
