Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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