If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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