Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The air taste purple.
Randomize
