I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
