that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
