just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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