I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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