you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize