I just saw a hot homeless man
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
