ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
