her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
