five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.