i think my tv is drunk
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.