forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.