Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.