apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
