I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.