Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?