Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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