im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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