Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
