Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
