i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
