I looked at my own cervix.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
