You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
this boner is exhausting
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
