I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
