How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
