You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
