I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.