After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.