his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...