areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
