My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
