You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
