Christians are straight up FREAKS
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
