peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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