don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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