I wish I could teleport
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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