You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
