don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
