If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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