Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
