bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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