i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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