Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
