Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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