A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
