Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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