K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How naked do you want me to be?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
