he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
