Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
