my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
